If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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