i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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