just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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