I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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