Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
