I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
