That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
