I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
