I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
