Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just had sex bonerless
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
