I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
