Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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