She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
