There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
