Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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