Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
