someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
