is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
