She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
