i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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