and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
