You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
