??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
