you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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