What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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