i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
