Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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