After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
