I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
