dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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