a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
