I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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