I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
