I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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