My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
