she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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