I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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