I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
