You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
