it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
