he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize