Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
