He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
