Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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