Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
