I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize