he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
