I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
