My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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