this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
