we have officially lost it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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