Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
