all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
