I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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