You really coming over, don't trick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
