Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
