The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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