My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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