Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
