FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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