my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
