did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
