dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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