Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
