I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
