I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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