i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
