My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
