Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
