He uses pillows to masturbate.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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